imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
ttyl tear gas
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
