Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
