I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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