dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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