6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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