Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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