I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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