i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
