I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
