Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
