Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
