PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you didnt know i had herpes?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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