Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
