Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
