So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
