I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
