she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we're making bets on your personal life
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
