It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
