theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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