he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
