it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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