You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
