$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
