I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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