i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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