My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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