dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
