I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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