Midget sex pt 2 tonight
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
