It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
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