Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
