"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
