The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
