Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
