its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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