I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
