Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
