i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
