I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
