it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
