he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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