your parents love me but you hate me
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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