You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
