If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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