If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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