I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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