Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
