you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
