the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
