Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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