All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
