i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
