Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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