I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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