He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
