Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
