You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize