i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
