It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
3 2 1 whiskey
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize