Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
