So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
