I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize