New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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