Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
