I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize