So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
